Those Words shared by My Dad That Helped Me as a Brand-New Father

"I believe I was just just surviving for the first year."

Ex- reality TV star Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the challenges of being a father.

However the truth soon proved to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Severe health complications around the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was forced into acting as her main carer while also looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, each diaper… each outing. The duty of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After eleven months he reached burnout. It was a talk with his father, on a public seat, that made him realise he required support.

The straightforward statement "You're not in a good spot. You must get some help. How can I assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and find a way back.

His story is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While people is now more accustomed to talking about the pressure on moms and about post-natal depression, less is said about the challenges new fathers go through.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his struggles are linked to a broader reluctance to talk among men, who often hold onto damaging notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and doesn't fall every time."

"It is not a show of weakness to ask for help. I failed to do that quick enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not justified to be seeking help" - especially in preference to a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental well-being is just as important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the space to take a pause - taking a couple of days overseas, separate from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he had to make a shift to focus on his and his partner's feelings alongside the logistical chores of looking after a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she needed" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has reshaped how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he matures.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to better grasp the expression of emotion and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The concept of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen did not have reliable male a father figure. Despite having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, deep-held emotional pain meant his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "poor decisions" when younger to alter how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as escapism from the pain.

"You find your way to substances that don't help," he explains. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Tips for Coping as a New Father

• Share with someone - when you are under pressure, confide in a trusted person, your other half or a therapist about your state of mind. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the things that helped you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. Examples include going for a run, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - eating well, physical activity and if you can, getting some sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is faring.
• Connect with other parents in the same boat - sharing their stories, the messy ones, along with the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help does not mean you've failed - looking after you is the optimal method you can care for your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead provide the safety and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the emotions in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men because they confronted their struggles, changed how they express themselves, and learned to control themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I said, at times I think my role is to guide and direct you on life, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am discovering as much as you are in this journey."